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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27194930">Oikawa-san the Villain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/My12inchtoe/pseuds/My12inchtoe'>My12inchtoe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst??, Did I just gift this to myself, Gen, He throws up like once self inflicted, I should be writing my other fic, I think I did holy shit, I wish to hug him, Kinda depressed Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru Needs a Hug, have fun ig, i mean I wrote this a while ago, oh well, so if that’s not ur jam please be warned, tagging is hard, wait is that also a tag, wait that’s a tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:42:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27194930</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/My12inchtoe/pseuds/My12inchtoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s the villain of the story after all. He just needs to make himself believe it. </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>Or, he just thinks. That’s it. That’s the whole fic. Wrote it in one night, stopped, didn’t get to a conclusion so I just hastily wrote the rest like 6 minutes ago.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oikawa-san the Villain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/My12inchtoe/gifts">My12inchtoe</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I think I just gifted this fic to myself, but whoever My12inchtoe is that totally is not me, I love you, you deserve the world and this crappy fic.</p>
<p>Heyo, if you clicked on this the warnings are in the tag but just once more:</p>
<p>Nothing triggering except for like self inflicted throwing up once. He doesn’t self harm, think about suicide, or anything else. He doesn’t really have any insecurity issues either in this one. Be warned about that one thing, but the rest of this fic is pretty plain.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Oikawa Tooru is an awful person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He repeats this mantra in his head over and over again one day. Because even if he doesn’t believe it, it’s true, so he has to keep convincing himself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembers the day he almost hit Kageyama. About how he and Iwaizumi fought. He knew it was an awful thing to do, hence why he was an awful person. He felt like he couldn’t help it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>Kageyama… do you know I’m sorry?</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did he feel sorry? It was hard to say. It’s not like Kageyama deserved to be hit, but it wasn’t unwarranted. All of this is hard. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In stories, characters always have parts to play, and Oikawa’s was just the villain. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just the villain. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He thinks about that day over and over again. To remind himself that he is an awful person, along with that mantra playing in the background. To anyone, he is the person in the clear wrong. Oikawa can’t blame them, though. He knows he is, he just has to convince himself he is.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He has to convince himself of his negative aspects, repeating them like mantras so he’ll never forget. He’s sitting up too high on a high horse, convinced he is somewhat better. He lives with his subconscious putting him down, but the rest of his mind hyping him up. It’s a complicated feeling. Complicated thoughts. So complicated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>These things all swirl in his head. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Iwaizumi. Even though there is no bite to his words, and Oikawa is not affected, they ring true as much as both of them hate to admit. Every insult is a truth, as much as he cares to cover up. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He supposed he doesn’t deserve a friend like his dear Iwa-chan. He feels afraid that at one point Iwaizumi is going to notice that he can do better than a seething villain like Oikawa, and move on with the rest of his life. Although precious Iwa-chan, he views Oikawa as important to him and is loyal till the end. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometimes he wishes Iwa-chan would leave him. So he didn’t have to go through the moment when Iwaizumi would truly discover the monster behind what is known as Tooru. He guesses he is a monster.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soulless, fake, cold, in a disguise. Sounds close enough to a monster. He’s faking it lots of the time, and he wonders if those girls would still follow him around like a celebrity if they knew what he looked like underneath the plastic disguise. He wonders how a few of them haven’t noticed already. Maybe they idolize him too much. He can’t blame them, he really is a beautiful person. Why, he idolizes himself in the mirror every morning, carefully combing every hair to a desired position. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He feels like he deserves things so clearly undeserved. He’s aware of his faults, but fails to convince himself it’s what he truly deserves. His failure to accept, well, his failure, serves as a constant reminder he will never be where he wants to be. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>What a crushing thought. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And he so wants to think he worked hard, and he did, but hard work gets you nowhere. He wonders when Kageyama will surpass him. <i>In a year. Maybe two.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembers a terrifying time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He visited a bakery with the other third years. He ate sweets but they suddenly felt too sweet and they were sickening. He was clutching his stomach, so he made up the excuse that he needed to take care of his business in the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go ahead to the gym without me, it might take me a while!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hanamaki and Matsukawa waved and left, but Iwaizumi didn’t budge. “Iwa-chan, are you not gonna leave with them?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll wait.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Iwaizumi made moves to follow Oikawa in, but Oikawa blocked him out. “It’s embarrassing, don’t come in with me!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He quickly ran inside a stall, a small one, because he suddenly felt so vulnerable in a space larger than the cramped stall he crouched over. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It smelled a bit like piss and bleach cleaner. Oikawa gagged. He suddenly felt sick again. <i>Perfect.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t know what he was doing, but the sweets felt sickening again. He remembered the bright, sugary flavors that left him feeling sicker and sicker. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shoved his fingers down his throat and hoped for the best, or the worst. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And gagged. The first time, nothing happened, but he tried again and again until he coughed and gagged <i>hard</i>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly it worked and he threw up the contents of his stomach. He tasted bile on his tongue. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sat there, horrified of what he’d done. He looked down into the toilet bowl, afraid of seeing that <i>this is something he’d done to himself.</i></p>
<p> </p>
<p>He remembered a quote from his sister: Never do anything you’ll regret! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>Sorry, nee-chan.</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Life will go on, Oikawa supposes. Maybe he’ll continue with the part of a villain. Maybe he’ll do something better than antagonize children. But, for now, maybe this isn’t the best he could do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! I should probably write the next chapter of my other fic but in the middle of the night at like 12:30AM 2 months ago I felt inspired. Posting it now. But again, thank you.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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